How hard is it to jot down a few thoughts here and there? Apparently, it’s too much for me to handle. Things have been so hard, so busy, so overwhelming and wonderful but it’s a challenge for me to put any of it down into coherent sentences very often.
Biggest new thing? The boy is walking. I’d say it’s 50% of the time, sometimes crawling is just faster and easier, and this walking thing takes full concentration. It’s probably the one change in him that’s thrown me into a “I don’t have a baby anymore” mood, he’s a little boy now. I had a brief moment of reprieve; he’s sick and feels like crap, and cuddled with me and fell asleep on me for the first time in so long. I’m obviously not happy that he’s sick but I have to admit that I enjoyed that brief weight on my shoulder again, that heavy sleeping baby weight.
Stress. I started doing some bookkeeping on the side for money, and I wish I could say it’s a good thing. This company (and it’s a friend’s small business, BAD idea, I should have known better) is a mess, book wise. It’s a freakin nightmare. I literally have to go back to 2009 and start from scratch, line by line.
Life. T lost his license back in October. Drinking and driving. Something I have not shared with anyone. He is an alcoholic and has been heavily drinking and ignoring this fact for years. And I’ve been helping him hide it without realizing it. It’s been a really rough transition but a necessary one for our lives and for our relationship. He’s not drinking at all, and that’s a huge relief but I’m not convinced quite yet, I’ve been burned too many times. Too many empty threats made by me, too many heavy conversations in the midst of a binge, and so on. No more. He’s doing really well, with new medications (that come with their own side effects and adjustment periods) and with some therapy.
Overwhelmed. It’s hard, and it’s great, and it’s challenging every day. I guess that’s life. I really used to think to myself “when is life going to start, I mean REALLY start?”. HA! It’s happening, like it or not.