30 days and counting

It’s really hard for me to imagine that in a month or less, I will be holding my son.  On the outside.  Not just in my imagination.  This is both so unbelievably exciting and thrilling and at the same time I want to ask the word “are you sure about this?  Me?  Really?  You’re not going to take this back, right?”  I know not everyone is as jaded as I am, and can enjoy this time without the constant worrying about when the other shoe will drop and this will all be taken away.  I want to be carefree and positive about a great outcome, but I don’t think I’ll relax and breath deeply until he’s out and pink and healthy.  And even then, I know I’ll be sad that he’s no longer Just Mine.  Because even though I only contributed half to the equation, in my head he’s all mine.  That doesn’t sound healthy, now does it?  I honestly wonder at my capacity to share.  Being the oldest of 4, I’m a pretty good sharer if I do say so myself but this may be beyond my control.  Images of a car commercial flash through my mind, people running up to the shiny new vehicle and licking the door handle.  MINE.

I made this today in the snow.  We got more than expected and for us this means $$ plowing.  I am now exausted and sore so this was possibly a Bad idea 35 weeks preggo.

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