It’s really hard for me to imagine that in a month or less, I will be holding my son. On the outside. Not just in my imagination. This is both so unbelievably exciting and thrilling and at the same time I want to ask the word “are you sure about this? Me? Really? You’re not going to take this back, right?” I know not everyone is as jaded as I am, and can enjoy this time without the constant worrying about when the other shoe will drop and this will all be taken away. I want to be carefree and positive about a great outcome, but I don’t think I’ll relax and breath deeply until he’s out and pink and healthy. And even then, I know I’ll be sad that he’s no longer Just Mine. Because even though I only contributed half to the equation, in my head he’s all mine. That doesn’t sound healthy, now does it? I honestly wonder at my capacity to share. Being the oldest of 4, I’m a pretty good sharer if I do say so myself but this may be beyond my control. Images of a car commercial flash through my mind, people running up to the shiny new vehicle and licking the door handle. MINE.
I made this today in the snow. We got more than expected and for us this means $$ plowing. I am now exausted and sore so this was possibly a Bad idea 35 weeks preggo.